U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
