the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
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