i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
