I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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