I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
