Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Randomize
