in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
