now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
