OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
