So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Watching her eat just hurts me
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
