I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
When did we convert life to cartoon?
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
i think im in europe. pls send help
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
