I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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