You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Randomize
