I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
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