So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
did i just pee glitter
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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