Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
