she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
