The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
