Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.