How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
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I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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