I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Since when is my clitoris pierced?