you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run