i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail