Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
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I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
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If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.