apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children