is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
