Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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