He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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