I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
