butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Randomize
