Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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