ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
