I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
