when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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