I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
