Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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