Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
