I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
