Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
