no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
