it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
