His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
ok first of all what the fuck
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
