come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
