Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
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