I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
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