man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
All the doctor said was why
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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