Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
