I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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