I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
