its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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