are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
i wish my penis had a tongue
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Randomize
