So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I AM VODKA MAN
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
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