At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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