she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
