do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
My liver is preforming stress tests.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Randomize
