i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
of course. lets lasso hookers.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Well I just put wine in my tea
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize
