how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
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That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
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WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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