And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Randomize
