I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
