You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
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