If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
