we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Mom said you looked used
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
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