Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
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After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
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