Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
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I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
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I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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