well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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