It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
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