I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Randomize
