so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
My ATM looks so different sober.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
