Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
That accounts for only three of the penises
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
