Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
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