His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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