My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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