You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
pop tarts are not kleenex
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
