i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Randomize