for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
