I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
