but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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