sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
