They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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