and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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