And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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