Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
